What it is like to be in an arranged marriage #My Arranged Marriage Story

I have just started with my first quarter of marriage, i.e. building up the relationship base with love, care, respect, understanding, adjustment, little sacrifices, ignoring each other's mistakes, and accepting each other.

Second-quarter will be having kids and coping up with the excess responsibility, third is retirement period, supporting each other in degrading health and forth is goodbye days, flashing on all those beautiful memories and completing the incomplete.

My marriage, to be clear Arranged marriage was a typical one. My brother found out him for me, we talked over the phone, decided to meet with family, little more talks, said yes, engagement within a month, and marriage after three months. Everything happened so fast, just like I opened my window and a warm-cold cozy wind embraced my soul and changed me from within, made me more elegant, responsible and a better person.

I remember my friend was disturbed because her parents wanted her to meet one guy for arranged marriage purpose. She furiously said, who does arrange marriage in this era, without knowing anything about the boy, just meeting him once and saying yes, who does that. I politely said it’s me, I did that.

I didn’t settle for less or got something out of my reach, just that we are perfect for each other. Honestly speaking I don’t want to change anything related to him, his family, or my marriage, not even the silly topics we fought over, those were necessary.

For me arranged marriage was,

1) Feeling of being accepted, feeling of accepting someone as your essence.

Acceptance is the steppingstone of your marriage, long before my marriage day I was ready and made my mind of accepting him and his all the flaws. And I praise myself for doing it greatly. There were few surprises thought!

2) Staying with a stranger who soon turns into your best friend and then your love.

I still remember the awkwardness we felt when we found that we both are alone in a room for the first time. He had come to tell me something regarding to the rituals and he came in, slid the door unintentionally told me, I said ok. And suddenly everything was still, we both felt so awkward that he stormed out of the room. Believe me, that happened much time after that and felt the same.

3) Shy and self-conscious start

Before marriage, we didn’t get much time to get comfortable with each other, which resulted in highly self-conscious behavior around him. I remember trying to be always pretty and presentable even while sleeping. But soon I got comfortable and now I am just being myself in Infront of him i.e. sometimes messy with random clothes and uncombed hair, and sometimes award-winning actress in elegant saree, sometimes college-going cool bae.

4) Sleeping together

We have very contrasting sleeping habits, he feels cold too soon, he needs two blankets that too overhead, I require only one, not above my chest, he snores in sleep, I blabber. He sleeps straight like a robot and I am a dancing robot, kicking him all over in the night.

5) Waking up next to him

Waking up next to the person you love and watching them having sugary-sweet morning sleep is a lot more romantic then you imagine. But initially, it was more of consciousness then romantic emotions, I remember waking up before him and freshen up, applying cream and lip balm and sleeping again.

6) Handling each other’s weird habits.

It's better not to hide any weird habits because being comfortable starts only after that. He snores a lot, I am a late riser. We really accepted each other’s weird habits and managed with them; we sometimes make fun of it though.

7) Having different choices and finding the middle point.

We are south and north pole in case of choices. Our eating choices, clothing choices, movie choices are totally different. Even liking towards weather conditions are different. He likes a shady day, but me, I get a headache on such days, I feel so dull.

8) Wifey cooking

I agree I am not good at cooking, but to be clear he really doesn’t have good eating choices, maybe I am not good at preparing them the way he wants. He can survive his whole life in plain non-spicy food, Just rice, Bhakri, Daal, and a green vegetable. And on the other hand, I like spicy food and like to do new experiments every day, trying out new things. Unfortunately, he never welcomes new things, changes, he tastes those new dishes with the premeditated mindset that they are not going to be good.

9) Open to new sides of his personality every day.

Understanding and knowing the person takes so many years, that cannot be possible in a few days or months. One day we were talking about this same day, and I said now I understood you completely and to that he replied no, you don’t, because no one can, you will completely understand me maybe after 10 or 15 years, and vice versa. Even if I say I understood him, I cannot tell you how will he behave or what he will do, if our kid will get a medal in school or did something wrong.

10) Caring

No, he doesn’t express his love, and I would go furious on these but as soon as I started observing his care for me, I felt his love. He never gave me gifts or flowers or said any lovely sweet words, but I got al that in his care. The time he calls me and reminds me to turn off the gas cylinder knob. The time he came running to me in the kitchen by hearing my cry.

11) Misunderstandings and fights.

We do have our quota for fights and arguments, mostly happened due to misunderstandings which fire up because of his careless nature towards issues and my overthinking nature. Something happens, I confront it, he ignores thinking it’s nothing, and I overthink to make it huge enough to initiate a big fight. And after a few hours, I realize there’s no such issue. Stupid me right? but believe me, this happens in all couples.

12) Reaching to the soft corners

He is a very rigid personality, I guess his family and his sister is his soft corner. And I make sure I respect and take care of them the way I am supposed to take. This is the way to reach his soft corner, as he is not expressive I am not sure if I am there yet. My soft corner? He is there from day 1. The day he told me “I am lucky for him”.

13) Surprises

Giving surprises are like adding cherry topping over cake. I love to surprise him, Ahhhhh not huge and costly ones, I give him surprises with simple gestures like wearing saree for him, preparing his favorite Gajar ka halwa and few other dishes. Washing his socks and ironing his clothes. His surprises to me? I told you he is not good at expressing. Ohh yes, I remember he did surprise me by visiting my home before marriage on his birthday. I was sleeping till 8:00 clock and he called me to tell that he’s on the way to my home. I was so shocked and surprised.

14) He’s my home.

We always want to return to our home wherever we go, and me on another hand I feel homesick soon after I leave my nest. And now I feel the same with my husband, safe, comfortable, happy, warm.

15) Feeling beautiful

I had a little difficult childhood because of my skin tone, so I have very low self-confidence, and regarding my looks, I am still not ok to talk about it. But one day he told me, how happy he was because I said yes for the marriage. And to date, he never said anything about my looks which in a way boost up the confidence. Ok, these days I gained weight, so he does tell me to do regular exercise.

16) No more society pressure

As I am married now, I am off the hook from social pressure. God bless and give the patience to handle the questions and taunts of neighbor aunties, to those who could not make up to this side yet.

17) Constant support.

Most of the times he does fun of me, but when it comes to serious topics he’s the go-to person. He listens to me carefully, clears my confusion, helps me to make choices.

18) Friends first.

Our relationship is not regular bossing husband and following wife or other way around, we are on equal terms, we do chase each other and beat each other like monkeys. He can not boss me around like do that or this, neither I can get him in my emotional blackmail trap to convince something.

19) Puzzle pieces matched together

I love to read and write, whereas another hand he just hates reading and god knows if he still remembers how to write. Anything interesting pops up in his news feed, he would come running to me like kid and ask me to read aloud for him. I am no good at watching news, I just hate the way they keep repeating the same sentence again and again, so he watches it for me and tells me the extract.

20) We promised.

There are lot many other promises we made, other then we did during our wedding 7 pheras. I promise I won't wear your hoodie again (but his t-shirts seem made for me) I promise I will flush the toilet properly. I promise I would keep my shoes on the shoe rack. I promise I will prepare this curry in a better way next time. To be honest, we break this promise every now and then and it's fun.

I am happy to find him, In fact, thanks to my brother who found him for me.

We aren’t perfect individuals but when we are together, we are perfect.

Because we didn’t tried to change each other forcefully instead we took each step closer to each other so that at a certain point we will meet.